Watching Geordie shore has inspired me to write about the complete mess women (and men) have put themselves into.
What drives someone to staining there skin the colour of a tangerine?
What drives someone to augment their boobs to the size of my belly?
What drives men to spend all their time and money buffing up the temporary 6 pack and tweezing their eyebrows?
Time for a revamp in mankind I think. Lets get back to the dressing where you are at least partially covered up (nobody wants to see your labia hanging out of your skimpy undies hen, nobody wants to see your trousers hanging at your arse lads...invest in a belt.
I think that most of this tanorexic, 6 packing, uber sexy culture is encouraged by celebrities. Suddenly women are ''burds'' and men are ''moneybags''. Not that these roles can't be reversed.
GET A GRIP, GET SOME UNDERWEAR AND LADS...GET SOME BALLS. Enough playing about with your sisters fake bake, tweezers and 3 step dove skin treatment set!
Tuesday, 30 August 2011
Sunday, 28 August 2011
The ocean
Ok so I've succomed to blogging about mushy, emotional, lovey rubbish but I feel I must express.
The ocean is an unforgiving, cold and dangerous place to be. The water tastes bitter and many have lost their souls to it. If you dare venture into its vast and beautiful scenery, be prepared to come out a changed man.
Love is like this ocean, bitter and cold, ever changing and unexpected. Although I have never experienced love (as much as i have never experienced the vast open ocean), I know it is out there and has an internal magnetism like the great force of nature that is the ocean.
During the past couple of months I have experienced a sample of this ocean. My emotions have been high; like the waves, unstoppable and powerful, but also low and calm; lying in wait for the next rush.
Having emotions for someone is difficult, it clouds your judgement, your sense of self and makes you act differently.
I now find myself single, lonely and without love. For all the years I have been content with life solitary, having a small taste of the salty sea makes me want even more. Though I know it will make me sick; I can't help but remembering how addictive that water tastes.
For all my supposed good looks and witty charm, it is worth nothing to have someone lying by my side in the morning, or greeting me as I come home from work. Someone who can touch and hold me, understand me and confirm that I am worth something. That I am not fast food, simple, cheap but ultimately not good in the long term.
Have you ever felt so alone that everyone else seems to be in pairs? Everyone holding hands walking down the street, couples you see through a restaurant window staring into each others eyes. Even the god damn birds in the trees are in love.
I will keep searching for that one person, love doesn't find you, it must be found.
The ocean is an unforgiving, cold and dangerous place to be. The water tastes bitter and many have lost their souls to it. If you dare venture into its vast and beautiful scenery, be prepared to come out a changed man.
Love is like this ocean, bitter and cold, ever changing and unexpected. Although I have never experienced love (as much as i have never experienced the vast open ocean), I know it is out there and has an internal magnetism like the great force of nature that is the ocean.
During the past couple of months I have experienced a sample of this ocean. My emotions have been high; like the waves, unstoppable and powerful, but also low and calm; lying in wait for the next rush.
Having emotions for someone is difficult, it clouds your judgement, your sense of self and makes you act differently.
I now find myself single, lonely and without love. For all the years I have been content with life solitary, having a small taste of the salty sea makes me want even more. Though I know it will make me sick; I can't help but remembering how addictive that water tastes.
For all my supposed good looks and witty charm, it is worth nothing to have someone lying by my side in the morning, or greeting me as I come home from work. Someone who can touch and hold me, understand me and confirm that I am worth something. That I am not fast food, simple, cheap but ultimately not good in the long term.
Have you ever felt so alone that everyone else seems to be in pairs? Everyone holding hands walking down the street, couples you see through a restaurant window staring into each others eyes. Even the god damn birds in the trees are in love.
I will keep searching for that one person, love doesn't find you, it must be found.
Monday, 22 August 2011
Goodbye blog virginity
Here goes the first blog; it will probably lack a point but like life, whats the f****ng point.
Started the year off pretty well; I always have a plan at the start of the year.
1. Get a mouthwatering body - 7 months later, 300 protein shakes, 10,000 crunches, quick check in the mirror...nope, still not looking like the cast of the O.C. Oh well screw it, a 6 pack must be either an illusion or a hobby for really single men who sweat collectively in a gym, shower naked with each other and think that a 10,000km run constitutes a great weekend...GAY!!!
2. Tell people i'm gay (or as cliche calls it, 'coming out') - started with friends who were not so surprised; damn thought my years of hiding and acting were working! Told family who also already knew...ok so i'm starting to think that all this worry and panic was for nothing.
3. Move out of parents home - Found one on Easter Road and decided to share with a friend; warning to those in a similar situation, living with friends is not easy - you disagree, you argue and usually destroy what used to be a great relationship. Plus you learn that bills come every month, cooking a healthy meal takes too long and that the ironing/washing fairy does not visit Easter Road.
4. Get a better job - currently work as a bank teller, have no idea what I want to do in the future but know it doesn't involve counting money which you can't spend, sell products that no one wants and take abuse from people who complain about things to which I have no control over.
5. Find love - over 20 dates in 4 months, a few one night stands and de-crabbing later only to discover love is a code word for ''I want a blowjob''. Best just aim for finding someone who doesn't entirely annoy you, carry infestation and does not weigh that much they have there own gravitational field.
6. Get new image - couldn't be bothered looking for new styles, replacing whole wardrobe or even stepping foot in a clothes shop. Resulted in my new image being born by accident; it's called nutahateshoppin, everyone has adapted it with there sweatpants, joggys with Ugg boots and stupid messy out of bed hair.
Well i will probably update this randomly, any requests on what to blog would be most welcome.
Started the year off pretty well; I always have a plan at the start of the year.
1. Get a mouthwatering body - 7 months later, 300 protein shakes, 10,000 crunches, quick check in the mirror...nope, still not looking like the cast of the O.C. Oh well screw it, a 6 pack must be either an illusion or a hobby for really single men who sweat collectively in a gym, shower naked with each other and think that a 10,000km run constitutes a great weekend...GAY!!!
2. Tell people i'm gay (or as cliche calls it, 'coming out') - started with friends who were not so surprised; damn thought my years of hiding and acting were working! Told family who also already knew...ok so i'm starting to think that all this worry and panic was for nothing.
3. Move out of parents home - Found one on Easter Road and decided to share with a friend; warning to those in a similar situation, living with friends is not easy - you disagree, you argue and usually destroy what used to be a great relationship. Plus you learn that bills come every month, cooking a healthy meal takes too long and that the ironing/washing fairy does not visit Easter Road.
4. Get a better job - currently work as a bank teller, have no idea what I want to do in the future but know it doesn't involve counting money which you can't spend, sell products that no one wants and take abuse from people who complain about things to which I have no control over.
5. Find love - over 20 dates in 4 months, a few one night stands and de-crabbing later only to discover love is a code word for ''I want a blowjob''. Best just aim for finding someone who doesn't entirely annoy you, carry infestation and does not weigh that much they have there own gravitational field.
6. Get new image - couldn't be bothered looking for new styles, replacing whole wardrobe or even stepping foot in a clothes shop. Resulted in my new image being born by accident; it's called nutahateshoppin, everyone has adapted it with there sweatpants, joggys with Ugg boots and stupid messy out of bed hair.
Well i will probably update this randomly, any requests on what to blog would be most welcome.
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